Thursday, October 7, 2010

Bullying


This is a heavy subject that I don't really like talking about, but there has been a lot of talk lately of bullying. More and more students and young people are committing suicide because of bullying. It's horrible and sad. Thankfully people are speaking out against it and trying to stop it. I'm not even sure I'll publish this post, I'm really just writing it to get it off my chest.

I too, was a victim of bullying. I was bullied by both girls and guys. My reaction only made things worse. I never fought back. I always smiled and laughed with them or rolled my eyes with a giggle and pretended to not care or shrug it off. That totally made me an ever easier target.

It started in elementary school. This red headed boy used to chase me during recess everyday until he trapped me into those long cylinder thingys that you crawl through. He would get me in there and have his friends block both ends where he'd try to pull off my clothes. I don't think either of us knew what he was doing, but it scared me more than anything. I hated being trapped in those cylinder things.

In middle school I had a bottom locker and this girl that had the locker above me would purposely drop her books on my head and laugh every single day. I still don't really know why. There was also this boy that sent me a letter asking if I liked him (circle yes or no) and I circled no because I didn't. Well, he decided that in class he'd stand up and shout that "Tara is fat!" followed by, "Well, not fat, just chunky! That's her new nickname!" Then he got the class to chant "Chunky! Chunky! Chunky!" over and over.

Also in middle school, this boy called me on the phone asking if I wanted to go out sometime, I decided I'd bide my time and asked if I could put him on hold. I really just hit the mute button and I was sitting on the line when he said to his friend on the other line "Do you really like her dude?" and the guy said "Yea" and the other guy said "I don't know dude, she's kind of fat", and the other guy said "yea, you're right." So then I hung up the phone. It's kind of funny to me now. I was never fat, but I did have some chunk to me. But you can imagine the effects this had on a middle school girl. I won't even get into the long term effects this had on me.

When I was a freshman in high school this boy left a note on my car saying that he had something of mine and to come by his house and get it after school. I was naive and went to his house. When I got there he asked if I'd have sex with him. I was horrified and shocked (I was a good church girl) and left immediately. Well he decided he'd make my life a living hell at school. He proceeded to call me a bitch every day and he'd go out of his way to come over my locker to call me a bitch. He told all his friends that I was a bitch, and they all started to call me a bitch.
Also in high school I had one girl specifically that would always threaten to be "waiting for me in the parking lot" or telling me to watch my back because her cousins in a gang were going to beat me up. Thankfully I managed to avoid them because I'd take alternate ways home from school and so forth. I never knew what prompted her hatred of me, all I did was smile and be nice to her. Which I guess was the wrong thing to do. She and her friends proceeded to threaten to kick my ass all through most of high school.

I also had these other two girls decide to start horrible rumors about me. And this guy that constantly made fun of my high pitched voice.

I could go on and on, but I just don't have the time.

I never told anyone what was going on at the time. I never told my parents. I only recently mentioned a couple things to my mom and she was so surprised and asked why I never said anything to her. I don't really know why. I guess I was embarrassed. I didn't know what they would think of me. And I especially didn't want my mom or dad showing up at my school making things even worse for me.

Sheesh, sorry for the heavy material. I'm not looking for sympathy. I just wanted to get it off my chest I guess. I'm just glad that there's been a lot of recent publicity speaking out against bullying. Especially now that I have kids. I'd hate for them to have to go through stuff like that.

On a happier note, the girl that dropped the books on my head in middle school ended up applying for a job where I was an Administration Assistant. As soon as she walked in the office I recognized her. She tried being all nice to me. I didn't even have to do anything mean, she ended up not getting the job and that made me happy.
Also the guy that made fun of my voice, years later I ran into him at a concert and he said, "wow you're hot" and I said "too bad you made fun of me all the time in high school now you'll never have a chance." He was all embarrassed. He had also gotten super fat. Very satisfying. :)

Ok, I promise my next post won't be so depressing. :)

5 comments:

Dolly Cool Clare said...

Good for you on this post. I was bullied for 2 years in high school (aged 14-16) by a group of 10 boys, for being ugly. Im now 32 and still have dreams about school and the things they said and did. It took me a LONG time to put it behind me, and if I think about it too much on the wrong day, it can still make me cry. Kids can be so rotton - they just don't realise the effect it has on others, and how long those effects last.
On a more positive note, a few of the group I have bumped into in the past few years, like with your bullies, are bald, fat, and look 45 - he he :)

October 7, 2010 at 12:01 PM
Tara said...

@Dolly~ Isn't it horrible how that stuff sticks with you? I too have dreams every now and then about that girl who always threatened to beat me up.
I'm so glad to hear that a few of those guys that bullied you are bald and fat! I must say it is satisfying that the victims are usually the ones that have a great and happy life!

October 7, 2010 at 12:10 PM
Temperamental Broad said...

Oh man! Middle school and high school were horrible. I was called a freak everyday. Told that I smelled and was ugly. Told I had thunder thighs. The football team would throw their drinks at me and my friends during lunch. I got in a fight with a girl over a guy. It was endless!! I completely shut off at school. I never talked in class, when I would even go. It was just miserable! I was completely insecure about it all.

The funny thing is that the few times I saw people that I went to high school with they didnt recognize me. Or if they did they would be super nice to me. We used to go to a swing night at the bar under Anodyne (remember that??) and the girl bartender who put it on was an enemy of mine in HS. She and I had been friends and then one day she decided to hate me. She was such a bitch!! Then at this swing thing she would try talking to me and I would just ignore her and dance circles around her. lol!

The good thing is that you and I look wayyyy better than we did in HS!! We definately did not hit our prime until afterwards. I look back on HS now and I still view it as one big waste of time. I really didnt get anything from it, other a 'don't f@cking talk to me' face that I wear when I'm in public. lol! But its such a mental f@ck when people call you fat, ugly, stupid, etc... It really messes with you! That stuff sticks with you for a looong time!!

Oh and I totally remember that guy hitting on you!! What a way to get back at him! Ha!!

October 7, 2010 at 2:33 PM
Sharon said...

I'm sorry for all you went through. I think everyone I know was bullied during school. This actually haxs shaped us to be who we are today. Wonderfully strong christian women and men. I have very similar stories from my past that I will leave to your imagination. But I do want to say there are coworkers at my job that think its ok to bully and I really don't know how to handle it but to pray for them because they must be in a lot of pain to continue this crude behavior into adulthood.
One las thing girls true story. I went on a job interview where the owner said your hired if you want it.But I have to tell you that that guys will be guys and our guys in the back may wistle and flirt with you a lot. Ok duh I don't want a job where I have to put up with that.

October 21, 2010 at 10:34 AM
Sharon said...

Sorry about typos and spelling for some reason I could edit that.

So word to the wise don't work for people who are willing to allow that behavior. And 2 you're an adult now so if someone treats you like that stand up for yourself and don't let God Bless.

October 21, 2010 at 10:38 AM

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